The Very Picture Of You

Don't you just love how the titles of my blog posts are pretty much always so irrelevant ? Haha.Well anyway.A lot of things have been on my mind lately.This past few days I've spent doing absolutely nothing at all.Nothing productive at least.I always tell myself I will change and work hard tomorrow.But tomorrow never comes.Thats what you call procrastination I suppose.I'm so bad at this.Expressing my feelings through words.I don't even know why I bother sometimes.God,this is so messed up.

I guess,I just want to change for the better and work hard towards my dreams.But I'm not really sure why it seems so hard.Its not really.Just take the initiative and do it.I guess I'm in a sort of dreamy kind of mood.I feel so out of this world.Its like my body is here but my mind,heart and soul is somewhere else.In this imaginary place where everything is just as how I want it to be.But in reality,we all know that can't happen unless you make it happen.

Which is why,I really need to change.To start making every single day count,to live life to its absolute fullest.Because nobody really knows how much time we have left to live our lives right ? I mean,one second we could be here on Earth and the next we could end up with this deadly accident and just die.So make it count.Thats what I was always trying to do.Make the few months I have left in high school count.To make more memories,to meet more amazing people,to go through more experiences and just to do more than just exist.To leave my mark on people,to be remembered.Not just to be someone who spent a few years in this world without ever really showing anything.Without ever really doing anything to be remembered.

And I know what I need to do to get there.I know what I want better than anyone else.I know where I want to be in life.I know what I want to achieve and what I have to do to achieve it.So I'm not gonna waste any more time because time is precious.I have one final shot at my dreams and it isn't going to waste no matter what.I'm gonna make it count and I have faith that I will.I'm just trying to put my doubts aside and letting my faith be bigger than my fears.Its never too late to change.

*gonna post about MSSD next :)

So MSSD Track and Field 2013 huh?Quite an experience I would say.Nothing much accomplished here.It was all down to bad luck.Bad luck that there was 20 people in a single 800M heat.Bad luck that I fell somehow.Not sure whether it was because I tripped or someone pushed me.But honestly it doesn't really matter now right ? I mean nothing's gonna change.I still lost.Yeah.Never thought a single fall could alter how I would perform for the rest of the events.Just that one fall.It did its damage alright.Really bad wounds on both my knees.I finished the race but lost the qualifications for the finals by just one second.Frustrating isn't it ? I mean if you think about all the possibilities if I didn't fall and if I just pushed myself a little harder.The thing I'm most mad about was how that fall affected my other events.Stupid wounds didn't allow me to bend my knees properly and I couldn't warm up or stretch properly for the remaining few events.Yeah I tried to just ignore the pain and forcefully bend my knee but it ended up bleeding again.Not a good idea I know.Still,at least I managed to finish running my other events.Boy did my knees attract a lot of attention haha.I was just like,this are my battle scars :p Nahh no I didn't do that.But it was a really really fun MSSD this time I would say.Have really gotten close to my athlete family this past few years and they were all so nice to me after I fell.Thank you so much guys,it means the world to me. Getting home really late,being the last school to leave the stadium,thinking of plans to ponteng school the next day,Harlem Shake in the bus,cheering for each other,camwhoring.It was amazing alright.So much memories made :)

Love this people with all my heart :)
We did badly this year,but we'll try harder next year.We'll show them.

Oh yeah,I found out that there is this one phrase that could pretty much make every athlete shed tears after he/she lost.
"You're still a winner in our hearts."

Thank you Ben and Dianah and everyone. :')
I'll win next year.Promise.

Cupids Fall

Lost,miserable,tired,exhausted,giving up.

Yeah that pretty much explains how I am now.I feel so stressed out with my studies.I mean I honestly don't get anything.What teacher is teaching,I don't get any of it.Especially physics and biology. Not one bit. I'm so upset and I'm so scared.March test is a week away and although I probably won't be here for it,I'm still scared.

I just need this month long break.To figure out everything I fail to understand.To catch up.But time waits for no one right.And with every week,I'm feeling more and more lost.I just need everything to stop.I need everything to slow down.Its all going past way too quickly.

Oh,why won't I be here for the March test you ask ? Well thats because my track and field district championships is clashing with the test.Its on the exact same days.I wouldn't say I'm upset about it though,because running is the only thing keeping me sane now.Keeping me from madness.I'm so thankful for it.Without it,I wouldn't know what to do with my life.

About MSSS merentas desa a few weeks ago.Lets just say I didn't perform well.Got no.25. Out of 78 others. And you know,at first,to me,it was considered alright.Not too good neither too bad.I mean it is my first time you know.But apparently my dad and coaches don't think its good enough.They have high expectations,I get it.They want me to succeed,I get it.But at least have some encouraging words ? All I wish they would say is,how its okay and how i already tried my best.Not make me feel worst.

But it doesn't really matter.I need to improve.A lot.In order for me to get there.To my ultimate dream.I know.It just seems so hard.Its scary,being so close,but so far away from my dream.