Shifu,thank you so much.That really,really helped.You have no idea how much those words mean to me.You gave me hope.Helped me realise that all is not gone.I still have a fighting chance to prove my worth.Thank you.It was what I needed.I mean,wow it really sucks feeling like a leftover.While everyone else was busy with their bayangan,I'm just standing helplessly on the sidelines.Watching.Waiting.Wishing.Hoping that I'd be able to have my chance.To do the same.Just the way all the seniors came and asked me why I was still at the bengkel and not one of the top 13.Top 13.The way they said it seemed like I have already lost my chance.The way they were as surprised that I wasn't in the bayangan.And then Jia Tong had to tell me that the first bayangan were usually the confirmed ones.Sucks much.He was asking me to rethink why I didn't get in,saying I must have done something.Of course I did something,I did everything.I poured my heart and soul into this.All my time and energy.I just don't want it all to not work out.It just really doesn't make sense.They know how much I did for the board,they saw it themselves.But yet,this ? I'm so confused.Right now,I can only trust in shifu's words.That there will be a twist and it will be in my favour.May the odds,be ever in my favour.
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18/04/13
"There are billions and billions of stars in the night sky,but there is always a star which shine brighter than the others."
A twist huh ? Is this what he meant ? They announced the second round of bayangans today and I got the secretary post.Strangely,I know I should be happy and I know this was what I wanted but I don't feel happy.I don't know.I guess its because I wanted to be the person in this post for the first round of bayangan.But then I guess God had other plans for me.Is this what he planned ? If so,I am happy.Not very happy but just quite.But its okay.At least I have a chance now,better than nothing earlier.I have a strange feeling the G5 or maybe even all the seniors know I cried about this thing,cause today after announcing the bayangans,Yasmin was like smile Li May ! Haha.I honestly am wondering how they all found out.Because I honestly don't think shifu would be a person to tell them all these but I don't know la.Mostly I'm wondering how he found out.Its pretty embarassing that they all know about it but yeah,whatever.There is a part of me inside,who is praying and hoping and wishing and begging that this is not all what he meant by a twist.That there is more to the twist than this.Because if it is only this,it doesn't really change anything right.What I'm really hoping is the twist is that I will be in the Top 13.The real Top 13.Its crazy how much I want to be a part of the G5.Like seriously.Oh well,I'm just having faith.
We happened to have a rehearsal for the MAC today in the hall after recess.Just the feeling of being there to accept an award for our PMR results,its really really satisfying.I feel happy and it really hit me that,I actually managed to get straight As and I am one of 'em good students.Then because it was a full rehearsal,they had all the prize-presentation for the post-grads and Tokoh Murid who are not here.Pn.Mahnum came over to me and asked me to just be the Tokoh Murid for this rehearsal.But wow,the feeling of standing on the stage.Eventhough it wasn't my name which was being announced,eventhough it wasn't all my achievements that were being read out,eventhough it wasn't the pictures of me on the slide,it felt so real and nice.And that special moment today,that I was so lucky to have was honestly just a bigger motivation to me to get there.Because that is my ultimate goal,Tokoh Murid.It was what I planned ever since I was in form 2 and it has never changed since then.I know I have a chance because trust me,when I study hard,I can achieve things I never thought was possible.I know that because during the mid year exam once,I studied quite hard but still last minute and managed to get above 90 for all the subjects.So I know what I'm capable of.Its just that I'm lazy.But I'll get there,no slacking of any longer.I want that moment to be mine in two years time.When I was standing there,En.Anuar said this. "Tahun 2014,Li May jadi Tokoh Murid ya ? " And Pn.Mahnum nodded.Thank you teachers.I promise I will do everything I can.Because that was and always has been my ultimate goal from the start.My ultimate goal was never just reaching MSSM.It has always been reaching MSSM,getting straight A+'s in SPM and getting Tokoh Murid.I have always wanted that for myself,to be the reason behind the big smiles behing my parent's faces and to feel all that happiness and sense of achievement.I will be their pride and joy.
And I will start now.
