Having faith.Thats the only thing I can do right now.Having faith in God and just believing that I will make it.
So I kind of sort of maybe cried a little in class yesterday.It was embarassing.But I couldn't hold back the tears.Alright,I admit.It was partly because they announced the first round of lembaga bayangan candidates and I wasn't one of them.It sucks okay.I know they all said not to lose hope and it will change every week and everything.But honestly,if you guys were in my situation,I doubt you guys will feel alright about it either.After all the effort I spent on this.After sacrificing so much.It just sucks to know that your other batchmates don't think you're good enough for the top 13.Because this lembaga bayangan thing was based on votes from my own batchmates.It sucks even more to know that all the prefects in your class were chosen and you weren't one of them lucky ones.You feel so left out.I feel like leftovers.No, wait. I am.After all that talk about how I have really good chances,yeah it honestly doesn't seem like it now.
The main reason I cried was because MSSS for track and field was supposed to be next week.And I wanted to be there.So so so badly.But I didn't make it,all because of one stupid fall.It turned everything upside down.I definitely don't think I got what I deserved.Because I know I worked my ass off for this and it feels so horrible to know that I didn't get what I felt I deserve.One fall.Everything went wrong.I feel like this year's MSSD was so pointless.I didn't achieve anything.At all.Just the thought of how if i actually qualified,I would be so busy with district training and preparations for MSSS.Just the thought of how I shouldn't be in school at that moment&how I should have been at USJ 23,training my butt off.It was more than enough to break me.I tried.Not to let the tears out.But I failed,so badly.
Most of my classmates thought it was because I didn't get into the lembaga bayangan.Well congratulations,yes it was partially because of that.Honestly I don't care what they would be saying behind my back.I know what I want and that is enough.All I wish for is for everything to be alright,for everything to work out.All I want is for the seniors and the teachers to believe in me.All I need is that elusive post,and the reassurance that I will make it there.
So right now,all I can do is
