Why.

Why do we even compare ourselves to each other ?

Because honestly all that does is make us feel less of ourselves and kills our self-esteem.I'm guessing we do that because we want to be reassured that we are good enough and feeling better than someone gives us the reassurance that we need.Ultimately,humans are insecure people.Those who feel confident about themselves and find no need to compare themselves to others are rare.Even the people who appear most confident about themselves may have hidden insecurities we don't know of.If only we could all be confident of ourselves,but still feel the need to improve ourselves in certain aspects.If only the world consisted less of conceited humans,and more humans who exude confidence.

Enough is enough.

Yes,enough is enough.I need to get off my lazy routine,destroy my lazy,procrastinating self,and get it right.Especially this time,where it matters most.This isn't a choice,its a must.I absolutely HAVE to do well next year,no matter what.To do well enough to convince my parents that I have what it takes to study in UK,and most importantly to not disappoint them.All those small scale "tests" before this are nothing compared to what lies ahead.The biggest exam of my life,the most important one yet,the one which honestly does play a part in my future and the obstacle which if I manage to tame, will give me the confidence I need in college.

December is a few days away,and I will start then.When it comes,there's no turning back.To make 2014 my year,to not regret anything.My final year in high school,and I will make it count.

Quoting HSM 3, "Its now or never."

On a side note,I stumbled upon this on Tumblr,and in my opinion,its one of the most beautiful things I've ever read.

"I think freckles, stretch marks, tattoos, bruises, birthmarks and scars are probably the coolest thing, you started with almost a blank canvas and look at u now, all this evidence that you lived and the sun had shone on you and you had grown and maybe tripped up a few times and liked an image so much you made it a permanent part of you, beautiful."

Whoever wrote this,its truly beautiful. I'll have to admit I do have quite a few scars on my legs,although they are not that obvious,I still didn't like them.Now,after reading this,I feel proud of them.I'm beginning to realize that each and every one of them was evidence that I had lived.I'm especially proud of the scars I got from races and training,to me,it shows my passion for running,and is a memoir of every race I've partake in.

Acceptance.

Accepting.
Plain easy in some cases,indescribably difficult in others.
Especially in matters of life and death.Matters of fate,matters where we have no control over.

This happened a few months ago.The reason I didn't post it up here,was probably because I was too occupied with dealing with it and other things.

We lost him.An extremely friendly uncle to us,an indescribable father to them,and an even greater husband to her.It was hard.On all of us.I watched as they shed tears all the time,even now,a few months after he departed,we can still see the sadness in their eyes.Accepting that he was gone was hard.Things were never the same after that.We all miss him.The uncle who mercilessly but lovingly teased us,bought us food,joked with us.

Watching your best friend lose her father is probably the most painful thing I'd ever experienced.Standing there helplessly,all I had to offer was words of comfort and reassurance that I would be there for her.We cried with her,shared her sadness and pain.I wished so badly at that moment that all her sadness would go away and be replaced by happiness.If anything could be done,I would have did it.I just care for her so much and love her so much,watching her lose him was like losing my own family member.It hurt so bad.

We just had to accept that some things are out of our control.And there's nothing we can do now except for holding him in our hearts where he will leave forever.Uncle,you will be deeply missed.

The whole incident caused me to learn to cherish my loved ones more,as we never know whats gonna happen next.And this words rang home,as a few months after that,I lost one of my lifetime companions,one of my three dogs,Lassie.

I truly regretted as I honestly wished I could have just seen him one last time,pet his head one last time,felt his white fur one last time.But its too late now.It happened when I was in tuition,my dad was driving the car in,and I'm not too sure what happened either,but from what my mum told me,it seemed that he got knocked by the wheel,and the impact broke a few of his ribs.

They took him to the vet,but he was an old dog,an extremely old one,about 70 years or so I'd say.(In dog years) Maybe they could have operated on him,but I don't think his old,frail body could have taken it.So the vet suggested putting him down,to end his pain.And so they did.When I came back,he was gone,forever.I didn't even have the chance to see him one last time,to stroke his fur again.But,he had a long and eventful life,and I guess that is something I ought to be thankful for.He's in a better place now.I do miss him a lot though.It was my first experience losing a dog,and boy,it wasn't pleasant.

It made me wonder what would happen if I lost another one of my dogs,could I handle it.I just hope that time wouldn't come too soon,as I still want to spend more time with them,love them,and feel their love for me.Having a dog show you affection,licking you,its just one of the best feelings in the world.You can feel their love,and a dog's love is unconditional.

So,this post is about acceptance.Accepting that we can't control everything in our lives,and when the time comes,we'll just have to accept it.And make sure we don't have any regrets.Because you never know when you're gonna see someone for the last time.

Starry starry night.

"Starry,starry night,
 Paint your palette blue and grey,
 Look out on a summer's day,
 With eyes that know the darkness in my soul."

Just a few lines from one of my favorite songs by Vincent, Starry Starry Night.

Last night was wonderful.Mainly because its been too long since we've spent time together.(we referring to me and the gang) And it made me realize how much I've missed spending time with them and having them in the same class.Last year was so fun and I absolutely loved coming to school because it meant getting to spend time with them.However this year because of the streaming and rearranging of classes we were separated.At first I ignorantly thought things wouldn't be any different as its not like I'll never see them again,we'll just not be in the same class,but everything else would stay the way it was.Obviously,later I found out how terribly wrong I was as being in different classes changed a lot of things.

We still do spend time together,go on outings together,be retarded with each other.Just not as often as we used to.Many of the memories we shared were possible then as we were in the same class.Now,its that much harder to see each other and hang out.But despite everything,I'm glad none of us changed,we're all still as retarded as ever,and most importantly none of us forgot all the times we spent together,how much we enjoyed each other's company.That thought alone comforts me.It also gives me more reason to believe that this friendship,this bond,its one that will last.

Last night was a little boring at first,but then we warmed up and it was as if nothing had changed.We were as silly as we always were.Camwhoring,checking out guys,checking out girls,being mean to each other,doing stupid things together,taking silly videos.Credits to us all as we were basically stuck in one room,but we still had loads of fun.I love parties like this,occasions like this,nights like this,where we get together and really bond.And create more memories together.

Last night also made me nostalgic,as I remembered the us back then.Unknowingly,three years had passed,and this year is also drawing to a close,making it four years.Throughout these four years together,we truly lived it to the fullest.We shared many ups and downs together,moved mountains together.All in which brought us so much closer.We learned to appreciate each other,and to cherish this rare friendship.We protected each other when one of us got hurt,and loved each other unconditionally.

And finally,it dawned on me last night that next year is our last year together.In the same school.Of course we're all trying to be optimistic here,hoping that nothing will change even after that,and we would still be as close as ever.But then again,its hard to ignore the fact that we're all going our separate ways after next year.To different colleges,different states,then to different universities,different countries.We'll meet new people,make new friends.And although I'm hoping this wouldn't happen,but there is still a possibility that some of us would change and forget bout all the memories we made throughout these five years together.There really is nothing we can do now other than to accept that things might change after next year.But I'm positive that as long as we all make the effort to keep in touch and not forget bout each other,things will still work out.

This post is basically just to thank you guys,for all the joy you've brought to my life,all the memories we shared together.Frankly speaking I've never had a friendship this long,and all of you mean the absolute world to me.I don't know what the future holds for us,but I'm hoping whatever it is,its a good one.In the meantime,lets make our last year together the most memorable year yet,and spend each and every moment creating precious memories.Together.I love you guys.So so much.

Before its too late

Its time.To reflect on myself.What I've accomplished this year,in terms of sports,in my opinion,really is quite an amazing feat.Flashback to 3 years ago and I never would have imagined coming this far,even qualifying for MSSS-the state levels.It really was a dream come true.And I was overwhelmed with elation.Frankly speaking although months had passed since then,I still can't help but to feel proud whenever I recall what I've done.

However what I've accomplished this year academically really is quite a letdown.And I don't have anyone else to blame but myself for it.I'll admit I did procrastinate a LOT this year.Treating this as a honeymoon year,not taking my studies seriously.Resulting in poor grades and a disastrous foundation for next year.Its time for me to take everything seriously isn't it ?

I'm hoping I'll find my motivation soon enough.Before its too late.

Maybe its time we all woke up.

Maybe its time we all woke up from this dream we were living in all along,this make-believe world we crafted out of our own imaginations..

What we thought it would be like was a stark contrast to what it really was like.We knew our posts would come with heavy responsibility,stressful times and sometimes even members of our board going against us.Refusing to acknowledge us.But we never imagined a situation this tough.The worst part is this wasn't the first one.

Yet we have to hang on,we have to stand up again no matter how many times we fall.After all,the decision to take up this challenge was one we made on our own.So now,we'll just have to keep going on.Problems after problems,they just won't stop coming,like waves endlessly and mercilessly crashing against the seashore;every time it crashes it snatches away a part of the sand on the seashore.

Into murky waters we trudge,into the unknown we march.The only comforting thought being that as depressed as we may feel,we're thankfully not alone.We have each other's backs to lie on.We have each other's shoulders to cry on.That thought alone,gives us hope that we can make it.Others may not understand us,truth be told I don't think they ever will.But its alright.Its part of the challenge.

I do feel like we have gone through quite a handful of problems already,although its only been the first few months.And undoubtedly,we have grown.

All I have to say is,I really do thank God for having such capable,understanding people as my fellow board members.We'll get through this guys.Together.(: