Before its too late

Its time.To reflect on myself.What I've accomplished this year,in terms of sports,in my opinion,really is quite an amazing feat.Flashback to 3 years ago and I never would have imagined coming this far,even qualifying for MSSS-the state levels.It really was a dream come true.And I was overwhelmed with elation.Frankly speaking although months had passed since then,I still can't help but to feel proud whenever I recall what I've done.

However what I've accomplished this year academically really is quite a letdown.And I don't have anyone else to blame but myself for it.I'll admit I did procrastinate a LOT this year.Treating this as a honeymoon year,not taking my studies seriously.Resulting in poor grades and a disastrous foundation for next year.Its time for me to take everything seriously isn't it ?

I'm hoping I'll find my motivation soon enough.Before its too late.

Maybe its time we all woke up.

Maybe its time we all woke up from this dream we were living in all along,this make-believe world we crafted out of our own imaginations..

What we thought it would be like was a stark contrast to what it really was like.We knew our posts would come with heavy responsibility,stressful times and sometimes even members of our board going against us.Refusing to acknowledge us.But we never imagined a situation this tough.The worst part is this wasn't the first one.

Yet we have to hang on,we have to stand up again no matter how many times we fall.After all,the decision to take up this challenge was one we made on our own.So now,we'll just have to keep going on.Problems after problems,they just won't stop coming,like waves endlessly and mercilessly crashing against the seashore;every time it crashes it snatches away a part of the sand on the seashore.

Into murky waters we trudge,into the unknown we march.The only comforting thought being that as depressed as we may feel,we're thankfully not alone.We have each other's backs to lie on.We have each other's shoulders to cry on.That thought alone,gives us hope that we can make it.Others may not understand us,truth be told I don't think they ever will.But its alright.Its part of the challenge.

I do feel like we have gone through quite a handful of problems already,although its only been the first few months.And undoubtedly,we have grown.

All I have to say is,I really do thank God for having such capable,understanding people as my fellow board members.We'll get through this guys.Together.(:

Lost ?

Maybe someday I will finally understand myself.Why I want to travel the world so much and do it all by myself.Just seeing the things that I've never seen and understanding that there is so much more out there.

Someday I will know why I don't feel content living here.I will sort out myself and know what I truly seek.Because at the moment,I just don't see my future.

Dance,its such a beautiful art.

Read All About It - Emili Sande

You've got the words to change a nation
But you're biting your tongue
You've spent a life time stuck in silence
Afraid you'll say something wrong
If no one ever hears it how we gonna learn your song?
So come, on come on
Come on, come on
You've got a heart as loud as lions
So why let your voice be tamed?
Baby we're a little different
There's no need to be ashamed
You've got the light to fight the shadows
So stop hiding it away
Come on, Come on

I wanna sing, I wanna shout
I wanna scream till the words dry out
So put it in all of the papers,
I'm not afraid
They can read all about it
Read all about it oh
Oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh

At night we're waking up the neighbours
While we sing away the blues
Making sure that we remember yeah
Cause we all matter too
If the truth has been forbidden
Then we're breaking all the rules
So come on, come on
Come on, come on,
Let's get the tv and the radio
To play our tune again
It's 'bout time we got some airplay of our version of events
There's no need to be afraid
I will sing with you my friend
Come on, come on

I wanna sing, I wanna shout
I wanna scream till the words dry out
So put it in all of the papers,
I'm not afraid
They can read all about it
Read all about it oh
Oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh

Yeah we're all wonderful, wonderful people
So when did we all get so fearful?
Now we're finally finding our voices
So take a chance, come help me sing this
Yeah we're all wonderful, wonderful people
So when did we all get so fearful?
And now we're finally finding our voices
So take a chance, come help me sing this

I wanna sing, I wanna shout
I wanna scream till the words dry out
So put it in all of the papers,
I'm not afraid
They can read all about it
Read all about it oh
Oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh

I wanna sing, I wanna shout
I wanna scream till the words dry out
So put it in all of the papers,
I'm not afraid
They can read all about it
Read all about it oh

Mid-terms.

Wait,mid-terms ? What mid-terms ? 

I AM SO NOT PREPARED. 
And yet,here I am on this blog wasting my precious time.Good job Li May,really.

Sighhh.
I just need some motivation and I can't seem to find any.
Being so lazy nowadays I just have no idea why.
Let's just hope I find that motivation,fast.

Mid-terms are exactly a week away.

Oh yes,treasurer for this week's bayangan ! :)
I'm a happy kid.
Good luck form 5's,for your mid-terms starting this week !

A twist.

"Don't be sad,there is always a twist to everything.I know whats gonna happen.Don't cry.Smile."

Shifu,thank you so much.That really,really helped.You have no idea how much those words mean to me.You gave me hope.Helped me realise that all is not gone.I still have a fighting chance to prove my worth.Thank you.It was what I needed.I mean,wow it really sucks feeling like a leftover.While everyone else was busy with their bayangan,I'm just standing helplessly on the sidelines.Watching.Waiting.Wishing.Hoping that I'd be able to have my chance.To do the same.Just the way all the seniors came and asked me why I was still at the bengkel and not one of the top 13.Top 13.The way they said it seemed like I have already lost my chance.The way they were as surprised that I wasn't in the bayangan.And then Jia Tong had to tell me that the first bayangan were usually the confirmed ones.Sucks much.He was asking me to rethink why I didn't get in,saying I must have done something.Of course I did something,I did everything.I poured my heart and soul into this.All my time and energy.I just don't want it all to not work out.It just really doesn't make sense.They know how much I did for the board,they saw it themselves.But yet,this ? I'm so confused.Right now,I can only trust in shifu's words.That there will be a twist and it will be in my favour.May the odds,be ever in my favour.

***********************************************************************************

18/04/13

"There are billions and billions of stars in the night sky,but there is always a star which shine brighter than the others."

A twist huh ? Is this what he meant ? They announced the second round of bayangans today and I got the secretary post.Strangely,I know I should be happy and I know this was what I wanted but I don't feel happy.I don't know.I guess its because I wanted to be the person in this post for the first round of bayangan.But then I guess God had other plans for me.Is this what he planned ? If so,I am happy.Not very happy but just quite.But its okay.At least I have a chance now,better than nothing earlier.I have a strange feeling the G5 or maybe even all the seniors know I cried about this thing,cause today after announcing the bayangans,Yasmin was like smile Li May ! Haha.I honestly am wondering how they all found out.Because I honestly don't think shifu would be a person to tell them all these but I don't know la.Mostly I'm wondering how he found out.Its pretty embarassing that they all know about it but yeah,whatever.There is a part of me inside,who is praying and hoping and wishing and begging that this is not all what he meant by a twist.That there is more to the twist than this.Because if it is only this,it doesn't really change anything right.What I'm really hoping is the twist is that I will be in the Top 13.The real Top 13.Its crazy how much I want to be a part of the G5.Like seriously.Oh well,I'm just having faith.

We happened to have a rehearsal for the MAC today in the hall after recess.Just the feeling of being there to accept an award for our PMR results,its really really satisfying.I feel happy and it really hit me that,I actually managed to get straight As and I am one of 'em good students.Then because it was a full rehearsal,they had all the prize-presentation for the post-grads and Tokoh Murid who are not here.Pn.Mahnum came over to me and asked me to just be the Tokoh Murid for this rehearsal.But wow,the feeling of standing on the stage.Eventhough it wasn't my name which was being announced,eventhough it wasn't all my achievements that were being read out,eventhough it wasn't the pictures of me on the slide,it felt so real and nice.And that special moment today,that I was so lucky to have was honestly just a bigger motivation to me to get there.Because that is my ultimate goal,Tokoh Murid.It was what I planned ever since I was in form 2 and it has never changed since then.I know I have a chance because trust me,when I study hard,I can achieve things I never thought was possible.I know that because during the mid year exam once,I studied quite hard but still last minute and managed to get above 90 for all the subjects.So I know what I'm capable of.Its just that I'm lazy.But I'll get there,no slacking of any longer.I want that moment to be mine in two years time.When I was standing there,En.Anuar said this. "Tahun 2014,Li May jadi Tokoh Murid ya ? " And Pn.Mahnum nodded.Thank you teachers.I promise I will do everything I can.Because that was and always has been my ultimate goal from the start.My  ultimate goal was never just reaching MSSM.It has always been reaching MSSM,getting straight A+'s in SPM and getting Tokoh Murid.I have always wanted that for myself,to be the reason behind the big smiles behing my parent's faces and to feel all that happiness and sense of achievement.I will be their pride and joy.

And I will start now.