Why do we even compare ourselves to each other ?
Because honestly all that does is make us feel less of ourselves and kills our self-esteem.I'm guessing we do that because we want to be reassured that we are good enough and feeling better than someone gives us the reassurance that we need.Ultimately,humans are insecure people.Those who feel confident about themselves and find no need to compare themselves to others are rare.Even the people who appear most confident about themselves may have hidden insecurities we don't know of.If only we could all be confident of ourselves,but still feel the need to improve ourselves in certain aspects.If only the world consisted less of conceited humans,and more humans who exude confidence.
Tuesday 26 November 2013
Enough is enough.
Yes,enough is enough.I need to get off my lazy routine,destroy my lazy,procrastinating self,and get it right.Especially this time,where it matters most.This isn't a choice,its a must.I absolutely HAVE to do well next year,no matter what.To do well enough to convince my parents that I have what it takes to study in UK,and most importantly to not disappoint them.All those small scale "tests" before this are nothing compared to what lies ahead.The biggest exam of my life,the most important one yet,the one which honestly does play a part in my future and the obstacle which if I manage to tame, will give me the confidence I need in college.
December is a few days away,and I will start then.When it comes,there's no turning back.To make 2014 my year,to not regret anything.My final year in high school,and I will make it count.
Quoting HSM 3, "Its now or never."
On a side note,I stumbled upon this on Tumblr,and in my opinion,its one of the most beautiful things I've ever read.
December is a few days away,and I will start then.When it comes,there's no turning back.To make 2014 my year,to not regret anything.My final year in high school,and I will make it count.
Quoting HSM 3, "Its now or never."
On a side note,I stumbled upon this on Tumblr,and in my opinion,its one of the most beautiful things I've ever read.
"I think freckles, stretch marks, tattoos, bruises, birthmarks and scars are probably the coolest thing, you started with almost a blank canvas and look at u now, all this evidence that you lived and the sun had shone on you and you had grown and maybe tripped up a few times and liked an image so much you made it a permanent part of you, beautiful."Whoever wrote this,its truly beautiful. I'll have to admit I do have quite a few scars on my legs,although they are not that obvious,I still didn't like them.Now,after reading this,I feel proud of them.I'm beginning to realize that each and every one of them was evidence that I had lived.I'm especially proud of the scars I got from races and training,to me,it shows my passion for running,and is a memoir of every race I've partake in.
Monday 18 November 2013
Acceptance.
Accepting.
Plain easy in some cases,indescribably difficult in others.
Especially in matters of life and death.Matters of fate,matters where we have no control over.
This happened a few months ago.The reason I didn't post it up here,was probably because I was too occupied with dealing with it and other things.
We lost him.An extremely friendly uncle to us,an indescribable father to them,and an even greater husband to her.It was hard.On all of us.I watched as they shed tears all the time,even now,a few months after he departed,we can still see the sadness in their eyes.Accepting that he was gone was hard.Things were never the same after that.We all miss him.The uncle who mercilessly but lovingly teased us,bought us food,joked with us.
Watching your best friend lose her father is probably the most painful thing I'd ever experienced.Standing there helplessly,all I had to offer was words of comfort and reassurance that I would be there for her.We cried with her,shared her sadness and pain.I wished so badly at that moment that all her sadness would go away and be replaced by happiness.If anything could be done,I would have did it.I just care for her so much and love her so much,watching her lose him was like losing my own family member.It hurt so bad.
We just had to accept that some things are out of our control.And there's nothing we can do now except for holding him in our hearts where he will leave forever.Uncle,you will be deeply missed.
The whole incident caused me to learn to cherish my loved ones more,as we never know whats gonna happen next.And this words rang home,as a few months after that,I lost one of my lifetime companions,one of my three dogs,Lassie.
I truly regretted as I honestly wished I could have just seen him one last time,pet his head one last time,felt his white fur one last time.But its too late now.It happened when I was in tuition,my dad was driving the car in,and I'm not too sure what happened either,but from what my mum told me,it seemed that he got knocked by the wheel,and the impact broke a few of his ribs.
They took him to the vet,but he was an old dog,an extremely old one,about 70 years or so I'd say.(In dog years) Maybe they could have operated on him,but I don't think his old,frail body could have taken it.So the vet suggested putting him down,to end his pain.And so they did.When I came back,he was gone,forever.I didn't even have the chance to see him one last time,to stroke his fur again.But,he had a long and eventful life,and I guess that is something I ought to be thankful for.He's in a better place now.I do miss him a lot though.It was my first experience losing a dog,and boy,it wasn't pleasant.
It made me wonder what would happen if I lost another one of my dogs,could I handle it.I just hope that time wouldn't come too soon,as I still want to spend more time with them,love them,and feel their love for me.Having a dog show you affection,licking you,its just one of the best feelings in the world.You can feel their love,and a dog's love is unconditional.
So,this post is about acceptance.Accepting that we can't control everything in our lives,and when the time comes,we'll just have to accept it.And make sure we don't have any regrets.Because you never know when you're gonna see someone for the last time.
Plain easy in some cases,indescribably difficult in others.
Especially in matters of life and death.Matters of fate,matters where we have no control over.
This happened a few months ago.The reason I didn't post it up here,was probably because I was too occupied with dealing with it and other things.
We lost him.An extremely friendly uncle to us,an indescribable father to them,and an even greater husband to her.It was hard.On all of us.I watched as they shed tears all the time,even now,a few months after he departed,we can still see the sadness in their eyes.Accepting that he was gone was hard.Things were never the same after that.We all miss him.The uncle who mercilessly but lovingly teased us,bought us food,joked with us.
Watching your best friend lose her father is probably the most painful thing I'd ever experienced.Standing there helplessly,all I had to offer was words of comfort and reassurance that I would be there for her.We cried with her,shared her sadness and pain.I wished so badly at that moment that all her sadness would go away and be replaced by happiness.If anything could be done,I would have did it.I just care for her so much and love her so much,watching her lose him was like losing my own family member.It hurt so bad.
We just had to accept that some things are out of our control.And there's nothing we can do now except for holding him in our hearts where he will leave forever.Uncle,you will be deeply missed.
The whole incident caused me to learn to cherish my loved ones more,as we never know whats gonna happen next.And this words rang home,as a few months after that,I lost one of my lifetime companions,one of my three dogs,Lassie.
I truly regretted as I honestly wished I could have just seen him one last time,pet his head one last time,felt his white fur one last time.But its too late now.It happened when I was in tuition,my dad was driving the car in,and I'm not too sure what happened either,but from what my mum told me,it seemed that he got knocked by the wheel,and the impact broke a few of his ribs.
They took him to the vet,but he was an old dog,an extremely old one,about 70 years or so I'd say.(In dog years) Maybe they could have operated on him,but I don't think his old,frail body could have taken it.So the vet suggested putting him down,to end his pain.And so they did.When I came back,he was gone,forever.I didn't even have the chance to see him one last time,to stroke his fur again.But,he had a long and eventful life,and I guess that is something I ought to be thankful for.He's in a better place now.I do miss him a lot though.It was my first experience losing a dog,and boy,it wasn't pleasant.
It made me wonder what would happen if I lost another one of my dogs,could I handle it.I just hope that time wouldn't come too soon,as I still want to spend more time with them,love them,and feel their love for me.Having a dog show you affection,licking you,its just one of the best feelings in the world.You can feel their love,and a dog's love is unconditional.
So,this post is about acceptance.Accepting that we can't control everything in our lives,and when the time comes,we'll just have to accept it.And make sure we don't have any regrets.Because you never know when you're gonna see someone for the last time.
Sunday 17 November 2013
Starry starry night.
"Starry,starry night,
Paint your palette blue and grey,
Look out on a summer's day,
With eyes that know the darkness in my soul."
Just a few lines from one of my favorite songs by Vincent, Starry Starry Night.
Last night was wonderful.Mainly because its been too long since we've spent time together.(we referring to me and the gang) And it made me realize how much I've missed spending time with them and having them in the same class.Last year was so fun and I absolutely loved coming to school because it meant getting to spend time with them.However this year because of the streaming and rearranging of classes we were separated.At first I ignorantly thought things wouldn't be any different as its not like I'll never see them again,we'll just not be in the same class,but everything else would stay the way it was.Obviously,later I found out how terribly wrong I was as being in different classes changed a lot of things.
We still do spend time together,go on outings together,be retarded with each other.Just not as often as we used to.Many of the memories we shared were possible then as we were in the same class.Now,its that much harder to see each other and hang out.But despite everything,I'm glad none of us changed,we're all still as retarded as ever,and most importantly none of us forgot all the times we spent together,how much we enjoyed each other's company.That thought alone comforts me.It also gives me more reason to believe that this friendship,this bond,its one that will last.
Last night was a little boring at first,but then we warmed up and it was as if nothing had changed.We were as silly as we always were.Camwhoring,checking out guys,checking out girls,being mean to each other,doing stupid things together,taking silly videos.Credits to us all as we were basically stuck in one room,but we still had loads of fun.I love parties like this,occasions like this,nights like this,where we get together and really bond.And create more memories together.
Last night also made me nostalgic,as I remembered the us back then.Unknowingly,three years had passed,and this year is also drawing to a close,making it four years.Throughout these four years together,we truly lived it to the fullest.We shared many ups and downs together,moved mountains together.All in which brought us so much closer.We learned to appreciate each other,and to cherish this rare friendship.We protected each other when one of us got hurt,and loved each other unconditionally.
And finally,it dawned on me last night that next year is our last year together.In the same school.Of course we're all trying to be optimistic here,hoping that nothing will change even after that,and we would still be as close as ever.But then again,its hard to ignore the fact that we're all going our separate ways after next year.To different colleges,different states,then to different universities,different countries.We'll meet new people,make new friends.And although I'm hoping this wouldn't happen,but there is still a possibility that some of us would change and forget bout all the memories we made throughout these five years together.There really is nothing we can do now other than to accept that things might change after next year.But I'm positive that as long as we all make the effort to keep in touch and not forget bout each other,things will still work out.
This post is basically just to thank you guys,for all the joy you've brought to my life,all the memories we shared together.Frankly speaking I've never had a friendship this long,and all of you mean the absolute world to me.I don't know what the future holds for us,but I'm hoping whatever it is,its a good one.In the meantime,lets make our last year together the most memorable year yet,and spend each and every moment creating precious memories.Together.I love you guys.So so much.
Paint your palette blue and grey,
Look out on a summer's day,
With eyes that know the darkness in my soul."
Just a few lines from one of my favorite songs by Vincent, Starry Starry Night.
Last night was wonderful.Mainly because its been too long since we've spent time together.(we referring to me and the gang) And it made me realize how much I've missed spending time with them and having them in the same class.Last year was so fun and I absolutely loved coming to school because it meant getting to spend time with them.However this year because of the streaming and rearranging of classes we were separated.At first I ignorantly thought things wouldn't be any different as its not like I'll never see them again,we'll just not be in the same class,but everything else would stay the way it was.Obviously,later I found out how terribly wrong I was as being in different classes changed a lot of things.
We still do spend time together,go on outings together,be retarded with each other.Just not as often as we used to.Many of the memories we shared were possible then as we were in the same class.Now,its that much harder to see each other and hang out.But despite everything,I'm glad none of us changed,we're all still as retarded as ever,and most importantly none of us forgot all the times we spent together,how much we enjoyed each other's company.That thought alone comforts me.It also gives me more reason to believe that this friendship,this bond,its one that will last.
Last night was a little boring at first,but then we warmed up and it was as if nothing had changed.We were as silly as we always were.Camwhoring,checking out guys,checking out girls,being mean to each other,doing stupid things together,taking silly videos.Credits to us all as we were basically stuck in one room,but we still had loads of fun.I love parties like this,occasions like this,nights like this,where we get together and really bond.And create more memories together.
Last night also made me nostalgic,as I remembered the us back then.Unknowingly,three years had passed,and this year is also drawing to a close,making it four years.Throughout these four years together,we truly lived it to the fullest.We shared many ups and downs together,moved mountains together.All in which brought us so much closer.We learned to appreciate each other,and to cherish this rare friendship.We protected each other when one of us got hurt,and loved each other unconditionally.
And finally,it dawned on me last night that next year is our last year together.In the same school.Of course we're all trying to be optimistic here,hoping that nothing will change even after that,and we would still be as close as ever.But then again,its hard to ignore the fact that we're all going our separate ways after next year.To different colleges,different states,then to different universities,different countries.We'll meet new people,make new friends.And although I'm hoping this wouldn't happen,but there is still a possibility that some of us would change and forget bout all the memories we made throughout these five years together.There really is nothing we can do now other than to accept that things might change after next year.But I'm positive that as long as we all make the effort to keep in touch and not forget bout each other,things will still work out.
This post is basically just to thank you guys,for all the joy you've brought to my life,all the memories we shared together.Frankly speaking I've never had a friendship this long,and all of you mean the absolute world to me.I don't know what the future holds for us,but I'm hoping whatever it is,its a good one.In the meantime,lets make our last year together the most memorable year yet,and spend each and every moment creating precious memories.Together.I love you guys.So so much.
Wednesday 13 November 2013
Before its too late
Its time.To reflect on myself.What I've accomplished this year,in terms of sports,in my opinion,really is quite an amazing feat.Flashback to 3 years ago and I never would have imagined coming this far,even qualifying for MSSS-the state levels.It really was a dream come true.And I was overwhelmed with elation.Frankly speaking although months had passed since then,I still can't help but to feel proud whenever I recall what I've done.
However what I've accomplished this year academically really is quite a letdown.And I don't have anyone else to blame but myself for it.I'll admit I did procrastinate a LOT this year.Treating this as a honeymoon year,not taking my studies seriously.Resulting in poor grades and a disastrous foundation for next year.Its time for me to take everything seriously isn't it ?
I'm hoping I'll find my motivation soon enough.Before its too late.
However what I've accomplished this year academically really is quite a letdown.And I don't have anyone else to blame but myself for it.I'll admit I did procrastinate a LOT this year.Treating this as a honeymoon year,not taking my studies seriously.Resulting in poor grades and a disastrous foundation for next year.Its time for me to take everything seriously isn't it ?
I'm hoping I'll find my motivation soon enough.Before its too late.
Tuesday 12 November 2013
Maybe its time we all woke up.
Maybe its time we all woke up from this dream we were living in all along,this make-believe world we crafted out of our own imaginations..
What we thought it would be like was a stark contrast to what it really was like.We knew our posts would come with heavy responsibility,stressful times and sometimes even members of our board going against us.Refusing to acknowledge us.But we never imagined a situation this tough.The worst part is this wasn't the first one.
Yet we have to hang on,we have to stand up again no matter how many times we fall.After all,the decision to take up this challenge was one we made on our own.So now,we'll just have to keep going on.Problems after problems,they just won't stop coming,like waves endlessly and mercilessly crashing against the seashore;every time it crashes it snatches away a part of the sand on the seashore.
Into murky waters we trudge,into the unknown we march.The only comforting thought being that as depressed as we may feel,we're thankfully not alone.We have each other's backs to lie on.We have each other's shoulders to cry on.That thought alone,gives us hope that we can make it.Others may not understand us,truth be told I don't think they ever will.But its alright.Its part of the challenge.
I do feel like we have gone through quite a handful of problems already,although its only been the first few months.And undoubtedly,we have grown.
All I have to say is,I really do thank God for having such capable,understanding people as my fellow board members.We'll get through this guys.Together.(:
What we thought it would be like was a stark contrast to what it really was like.We knew our posts would come with heavy responsibility,stressful times and sometimes even members of our board going against us.Refusing to acknowledge us.But we never imagined a situation this tough.The worst part is this wasn't the first one.
Yet we have to hang on,we have to stand up again no matter how many times we fall.After all,the decision to take up this challenge was one we made on our own.So now,we'll just have to keep going on.Problems after problems,they just won't stop coming,like waves endlessly and mercilessly crashing against the seashore;every time it crashes it snatches away a part of the sand on the seashore.
Into murky waters we trudge,into the unknown we march.The only comforting thought being that as depressed as we may feel,we're thankfully not alone.We have each other's backs to lie on.We have each other's shoulders to cry on.That thought alone,gives us hope that we can make it.Others may not understand us,truth be told I don't think they ever will.But its alright.Its part of the challenge.
I do feel like we have gone through quite a handful of problems already,although its only been the first few months.And undoubtedly,we have grown.
All I have to say is,I really do thank God for having such capable,understanding people as my fellow board members.We'll get through this guys.Together.(:
Sunday 11 August 2013
Lost ?
Maybe someday I will finally understand myself.Why I want to travel the world so much and do it all by myself.Just seeing the things that I've never seen and understanding that there is so much more out there.
Someday I will know why I don't feel content living here.I will sort out myself and know what I truly seek.Because at the moment,I just don't see my future.
Someday I will know why I don't feel content living here.I will sort out myself and know what I truly seek.Because at the moment,I just don't see my future.
Sunday 28 April 2013
Read All About It - Emili Sande
You've got the words to change a nation
But you're biting your tongue
You've spent a life time stuck in silence
Afraid you'll say something wrong
If no one ever hears it how we gonna learn your song?
So come, on come on
Come on, come on
You've got a heart as loud as lions
So why let your voice be tamed?
Baby we're a little different
There's no need to be ashamed
You've got the light to fight the shadows
So stop hiding it away
Come on, Come on
I wanna sing, I wanna shout
I wanna scream till the words dry out
So put it in all of the papers,
I'm not afraid
They can read all about it
Read all about it oh
Oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh
At night we're waking up the neighbours
While we sing away the blues
Making sure that we remember yeah
Cause we all matter too
If the truth has been forbidden
Then we're breaking all the rules
So come on, come on
Come on, come on,
Let's get the tv and the radio
To play our tune again
It's 'bout time we got some airplay of our version of events
There's no need to be afraid
I will sing with you my friend
Come on, come on
I wanna sing, I wanna shout
I wanna scream till the words dry out
So put it in all of the papers,
I'm not afraid
They can read all about it
Read all about it oh
Oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh
Yeah we're all wonderful, wonderful people
So when did we all get so fearful?
Now we're finally finding our voices
So take a chance, come help me sing this
Yeah we're all wonderful, wonderful people
So when did we all get so fearful?
And now we're finally finding our voices
So take a chance, come help me sing this
I wanna sing, I wanna shout
I wanna scream till the words dry out
So put it in all of the papers,
I'm not afraid
They can read all about it
Read all about it oh
Oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh
I wanna sing, I wanna shout
I wanna scream till the words dry out
So put it in all of the papers,
I'm not afraid
They can read all about it
Read all about it oh
But you're biting your tongue
You've spent a life time stuck in silence
Afraid you'll say something wrong
If no one ever hears it how we gonna learn your song?
So come, on come on
Come on, come on
You've got a heart as loud as lions
So why let your voice be tamed?
Baby we're a little different
There's no need to be ashamed
You've got the light to fight the shadows
So stop hiding it away
Come on, Come on
I wanna sing, I wanna shout
I wanna scream till the words dry out
So put it in all of the papers,
I'm not afraid
They can read all about it
Read all about it oh
Oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh
At night we're waking up the neighbours
While we sing away the blues
Making sure that we remember yeah
Cause we all matter too
If the truth has been forbidden
Then we're breaking all the rules
So come on, come on
Come on, come on,
Let's get the tv and the radio
To play our tune again
It's 'bout time we got some airplay of our version of events
There's no need to be afraid
I will sing with you my friend
Come on, come on
I wanna sing, I wanna shout
I wanna scream till the words dry out
So put it in all of the papers,
I'm not afraid
They can read all about it
Read all about it oh
Oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh
Yeah we're all wonderful, wonderful people
So when did we all get so fearful?
Now we're finally finding our voices
So take a chance, come help me sing this
Yeah we're all wonderful, wonderful people
So when did we all get so fearful?
And now we're finally finding our voices
So take a chance, come help me sing this
I wanna sing, I wanna shout
I wanna scream till the words dry out
So put it in all of the papers,
I'm not afraid
They can read all about it
Read all about it oh
Oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh
I wanna sing, I wanna shout
I wanna scream till the words dry out
So put it in all of the papers,
I'm not afraid
They can read all about it
Read all about it oh
Mid-terms.
Wait,mid-terms ? What mid-terms ?
I AM SO NOT PREPARED.
And yet,here I am on this blog wasting my precious time.Good job Li May,really.
Sighhh.
I just need some motivation and I can't seem to find any.
Being so lazy nowadays I just have no idea why.
Let's just hope I find that motivation,fast.
Mid-terms are exactly a week away.
Oh yes,treasurer for this week's bayangan ! :)
I'm a happy kid.
Good luck form 5's,for your mid-terms starting this week !
I AM SO NOT PREPARED.
And yet,here I am on this blog wasting my precious time.Good job Li May,really.
Sighhh.
I just need some motivation and I can't seem to find any.
Being so lazy nowadays I just have no idea why.
Let's just hope I find that motivation,fast.
Mid-terms are exactly a week away.
Oh yes,treasurer for this week's bayangan ! :)
I'm a happy kid.
Good luck form 5's,for your mid-terms starting this week !
Thursday 18 April 2013
A twist.
"Don't be sad,there is always a twist to everything.I know whats gonna happen.Don't cry.Smile."
Shifu,thank you so much.That really,really helped.You have no idea how much those words mean to me.You gave me hope.Helped me realise that all is not gone.I still have a fighting chance to prove my worth.Thank you.It was what I needed.I mean,wow it really sucks feeling like a leftover.While everyone else was busy with their bayangan,I'm just standing helplessly on the sidelines.Watching.Waiting.Wishing.Hoping that I'd be able to have my chance.To do the same.Just the way all the seniors came and asked me why I was still at the bengkel and not one of the top 13.Top 13.The way they said it seemed like I have already lost my chance.The way they were as surprised that I wasn't in the bayangan.And then Jia Tong had to tell me that the first bayangan were usually the confirmed ones.Sucks much.He was asking me to rethink why I didn't get in,saying I must have done something.Of course I did something,I did everything.I poured my heart and soul into this.All my time and energy.I just don't want it all to not work out.It just really doesn't make sense.They know how much I did for the board,they saw it themselves.But yet,this ? I'm so confused.Right now,I can only trust in shifu's words.That there will be a twist and it will be in my favour.May the odds,be ever in my favour.
***********************************************************************************
18/04/13
"There are billions and billions of stars in the night sky,but there is always a star which shine brighter than the others."
A twist huh ? Is this what he meant ? They announced the second round of bayangans today and I got the secretary post.Strangely,I know I should be happy and I know this was what I wanted but I don't feel happy.I don't know.I guess its because I wanted to be the person in this post for the first round of bayangan.But then I guess God had other plans for me.Is this what he planned ? If so,I am happy.Not very happy but just quite.But its okay.At least I have a chance now,better than nothing earlier.I have a strange feeling the G5 or maybe even all the seniors know I cried about this thing,cause today after announcing the bayangans,Yasmin was like smile Li May ! Haha.I honestly am wondering how they all found out.Because I honestly don't think shifu would be a person to tell them all these but I don't know la.Mostly I'm wondering how he found out.Its pretty embarassing that they all know about it but yeah,whatever.There is a part of me inside,who is praying and hoping and wishing and begging that this is not all what he meant by a twist.That there is more to the twist than this.Because if it is only this,it doesn't really change anything right.What I'm really hoping is the twist is that I will be in the Top 13.The real Top 13.Its crazy how much I want to be a part of the G5.Like seriously.Oh well,I'm just having faith.
We happened to have a rehearsal for the MAC today in the hall after recess.Just the feeling of being there to accept an award for our PMR results,its really really satisfying.I feel happy and it really hit me that,I actually managed to get straight As and I am one of 'em good students.Then because it was a full rehearsal,they had all the prize-presentation for the post-grads and Tokoh Murid who are not here.Pn.Mahnum came over to me and asked me to just be the Tokoh Murid for this rehearsal.But wow,the feeling of standing on the stage.Eventhough it wasn't my name which was being announced,eventhough it wasn't all my achievements that were being read out,eventhough it wasn't the pictures of me on the slide,it felt so real and nice.And that special moment today,that I was so lucky to have was honestly just a bigger motivation to me to get there.Because that is my ultimate goal,Tokoh Murid.It was what I planned ever since I was in form 2 and it has never changed since then.I know I have a chance because trust me,when I study hard,I can achieve things I never thought was possible.I know that because during the mid year exam once,I studied quite hard but still last minute and managed to get above 90 for all the subjects.So I know what I'm capable of.Its just that I'm lazy.But I'll get there,no slacking of any longer.I want that moment to be mine in two years time.When I was standing there,En.Anuar said this. "Tahun 2014,Li May jadi Tokoh Murid ya ? " And Pn.Mahnum nodded.Thank you teachers.I promise I will do everything I can.Because that was and always has been my ultimate goal from the start.My ultimate goal was never just reaching MSSM.It has always been reaching MSSM,getting straight A+'s in SPM and getting Tokoh Murid.I have always wanted that for myself,to be the reason behind the big smiles behing my parent's faces and to feel all that happiness and sense of achievement.I will be their pride and joy.
And I will start now.
Shifu,thank you so much.That really,really helped.You have no idea how much those words mean to me.You gave me hope.Helped me realise that all is not gone.I still have a fighting chance to prove my worth.Thank you.It was what I needed.I mean,wow it really sucks feeling like a leftover.While everyone else was busy with their bayangan,I'm just standing helplessly on the sidelines.Watching.Waiting.Wishing.Hoping that I'd be able to have my chance.To do the same.Just the way all the seniors came and asked me why I was still at the bengkel and not one of the top 13.Top 13.The way they said it seemed like I have already lost my chance.The way they were as surprised that I wasn't in the bayangan.And then Jia Tong had to tell me that the first bayangan were usually the confirmed ones.Sucks much.He was asking me to rethink why I didn't get in,saying I must have done something.Of course I did something,I did everything.I poured my heart and soul into this.All my time and energy.I just don't want it all to not work out.It just really doesn't make sense.They know how much I did for the board,they saw it themselves.But yet,this ? I'm so confused.Right now,I can only trust in shifu's words.That there will be a twist and it will be in my favour.May the odds,be ever in my favour.
***********************************************************************************
18/04/13
"There are billions and billions of stars in the night sky,but there is always a star which shine brighter than the others."
A twist huh ? Is this what he meant ? They announced the second round of bayangans today and I got the secretary post.Strangely,I know I should be happy and I know this was what I wanted but I don't feel happy.I don't know.I guess its because I wanted to be the person in this post for the first round of bayangan.But then I guess God had other plans for me.Is this what he planned ? If so,I am happy.Not very happy but just quite.But its okay.At least I have a chance now,better than nothing earlier.I have a strange feeling the G5 or maybe even all the seniors know I cried about this thing,cause today after announcing the bayangans,Yasmin was like smile Li May ! Haha.I honestly am wondering how they all found out.Because I honestly don't think shifu would be a person to tell them all these but I don't know la.Mostly I'm wondering how he found out.Its pretty embarassing that they all know about it but yeah,whatever.There is a part of me inside,who is praying and hoping and wishing and begging that this is not all what he meant by a twist.That there is more to the twist than this.Because if it is only this,it doesn't really change anything right.What I'm really hoping is the twist is that I will be in the Top 13.The real Top 13.Its crazy how much I want to be a part of the G5.Like seriously.Oh well,I'm just having faith.
We happened to have a rehearsal for the MAC today in the hall after recess.Just the feeling of being there to accept an award for our PMR results,its really really satisfying.I feel happy and it really hit me that,I actually managed to get straight As and I am one of 'em good students.Then because it was a full rehearsal,they had all the prize-presentation for the post-grads and Tokoh Murid who are not here.Pn.Mahnum came over to me and asked me to just be the Tokoh Murid for this rehearsal.But wow,the feeling of standing on the stage.Eventhough it wasn't my name which was being announced,eventhough it wasn't all my achievements that were being read out,eventhough it wasn't the pictures of me on the slide,it felt so real and nice.And that special moment today,that I was so lucky to have was honestly just a bigger motivation to me to get there.Because that is my ultimate goal,Tokoh Murid.It was what I planned ever since I was in form 2 and it has never changed since then.I know I have a chance because trust me,when I study hard,I can achieve things I never thought was possible.I know that because during the mid year exam once,I studied quite hard but still last minute and managed to get above 90 for all the subjects.So I know what I'm capable of.Its just that I'm lazy.But I'll get there,no slacking of any longer.I want that moment to be mine in two years time.When I was standing there,En.Anuar said this. "Tahun 2014,Li May jadi Tokoh Murid ya ? " And Pn.Mahnum nodded.Thank you teachers.I promise I will do everything I can.Because that was and always has been my ultimate goal from the start.My ultimate goal was never just reaching MSSM.It has always been reaching MSSM,getting straight A+'s in SPM and getting Tokoh Murid.I have always wanted that for myself,to be the reason behind the big smiles behing my parent's faces and to feel all that happiness and sense of achievement.I will be their pride and joy.
And I will start now.
Friday 12 April 2013
Have faith.Despite all the disappointments.
Having faith.Thats the only thing I can do right now.Having faith in God and just believing that I will make it.
So I kind of sort of maybe cried a little in class yesterday.It was embarassing.But I couldn't hold back the tears.Alright,I admit.It was partly because they announced the first round of lembaga bayangan candidates and I wasn't one of them.It sucks okay.I know they all said not to lose hope and it will change every week and everything.But honestly,if you guys were in my situation,I doubt you guys will feel alright about it either.After all the effort I spent on this.After sacrificing so much.It just sucks to know that your other batchmates don't think you're good enough for the top 13.Because this lembaga bayangan thing was based on votes from my own batchmates.It sucks even more to know that all the prefects in your class were chosen and you weren't one of them lucky ones.You feel so left out.I feel like leftovers.No, wait. I am.After all that talk about how I have really good chances,yeah it honestly doesn't seem like it now.
The main reason I cried was because MSSS for track and field was supposed to be next week.And I wanted to be there.So so so badly.But I didn't make it,all because of one stupid fall.It turned everything upside down.I definitely don't think I got what I deserved.Because I know I worked my ass off for this and it feels so horrible to know that I didn't get what I felt I deserve.One fall.Everything went wrong.I feel like this year's MSSD was so pointless.I didn't achieve anything.At all.Just the thought of how if i actually qualified,I would be so busy with district training and preparations for MSSS.Just the thought of how I shouldn't be in school at that moment&how I should have been at USJ 23,training my butt off.It was more than enough to break me.I tried.Not to let the tears out.But I failed,so badly.
Most of my classmates thought it was because I didn't get into the lembaga bayangan.Well congratulations,yes it was partially because of that.Honestly I don't care what they would be saying behind my back.I know what I want and that is enough.All I wish for is for everything to be alright,for everything to work out.All I want is for the seniors and the teachers to believe in me.All I need is that elusive post,and the reassurance that I will make it there.
So right now,all I can do is
Wednesday 3 April 2013
Living young,wild & free
Thank God,for there were quite a number of rumah biru participants.Thank you guys to those who came for rumah biru :') Just hope we can emerge as the overall champions for sukan tara and gain more points.I skipped my tuition for it y'know ? And it started raining.Not heavily la but moderately.Can't believe I only managed to get like 5 points for rumah biru.Well I ain't the best thrower,nor am I the best jumper so yeah.At least I got 3 points for 100M (y).It was so funny cause right after my race was Eva's race and I shouted at her to go slower in chinese and she started laughing halfway and went slower :p Can't believe that actually worked ! And she came up to me half-pissed after that saying how the teachers scolded her for laughing.Oops.
Was a fun sukan tara though,and wet one.Had this mini water war with Eva,Appala and Razan.Was so stupid ermahgerd.But hey,no harm being a little kid once in a while right ?There were people staring but honestly.
At least it shows we're young at heart.HEH.
Anyway,school was sort of fun today too,with Joanne,Jay and Cynnie being so high.We were all singing HSM songs.(I know,whut.) Laughed a whole lot in class,and we managed to complete all our homework ! That never happens.So its sort of a bloody miracle ngehe.
I think,my change is working.I'm completing all my homework on time,doing everything.I can't even believe it myself.But change is good.
Cheers to living young,wild and free :)
Monday 1 April 2013
Hello April.
April 2nd,2013.
"I just want to be remembered."
Gosh this is gonna be a dreadful month.Preparing for the mid-term exams.Nerve-wracking important interviews.Projects.Homework.Worst of all, I have yet to see ANY break at all this whole month.Darn.
Let's just hope I pull through.Interviews.Prefect interviews.Shit.Did I mention I mess up easily ?Its supposed to be somewhere this week.I'm so not prepared.
Need to lots of catching up with my studies and running.Been slacking a hell lot.Hopefully I will be able to do well in mid term.Need to get really good results so my chances of being able to go to forum will increase hehehe.
By the way,I think,I THINK,I'm finally getting the hang of Physics YAAYYY (Y)
Bio ? I still have no clue what its all about.
I'll get there ;)
Saturday 30 March 2013
The Very Picture Of You
Don't you just love how the titles of my blog posts are pretty much always so irrelevant ? Haha.Well anyway.A lot of things have been on my mind lately.This past few days I've spent doing absolutely nothing at all.Nothing productive at least.I always tell myself I will change and work hard tomorrow.But tomorrow never comes.Thats what you call procrastination I suppose.I'm so bad at this.Expressing my feelings through words.I don't even know why I bother sometimes.God,this is so messed up.
I guess,I just want to change for the better and work hard towards my dreams.But I'm not really sure why it seems so hard.Its not really.Just take the initiative and do it.I guess I'm in a sort of dreamy kind of mood.I feel so out of this world.Its like my body is here but my mind,heart and soul is somewhere else.In this imaginary place where everything is just as how I want it to be.But in reality,we all know that can't happen unless you make it happen.
Which is why,I really need to change.To start making every single day count,to live life to its absolute fullest.Because nobody really knows how much time we have left to live our lives right ? I mean,one second we could be here on Earth and the next we could end up with this deadly accident and just die.So make it count.Thats what I was always trying to do.Make the few months I have left in high school count.To make more memories,to meet more amazing people,to go through more experiences and just to do more than just exist.To leave my mark on people,to be remembered.Not just to be someone who spent a few years in this world without ever really showing anything.Without ever really doing anything to be remembered.
And I know what I need to do to get there.I know what I want better than anyone else.I know where I want to be in life.I know what I want to achieve and what I have to do to achieve it.So I'm not gonna waste any more time because time is precious.I have one final shot at my dreams and it isn't going to waste no matter what.I'm gonna make it count and I have faith that I will.I'm just trying to put my doubts aside and letting my faith be bigger than my fears.Its never too late to change.
*gonna post about MSSD next :)
So MSSD Track and Field 2013 huh?Quite an experience I would say.Nothing much accomplished here.It was all down to bad luck.Bad luck that there was 20 people in a single 800M heat.Bad luck that I fell somehow.Not sure whether it was because I tripped or someone pushed me.But honestly it doesn't really matter now right ? I mean nothing's gonna change.I still lost.Yeah.Never thought a single fall could alter how I would perform for the rest of the events.Just that one fall.It did its damage alright.Really bad wounds on both my knees.I finished the race but lost the qualifications for the finals by just one second.Frustrating isn't it ? I mean if you think about all the possibilities if I didn't fall and if I just pushed myself a little harder.The thing I'm most mad about was how that fall affected my other events.Stupid wounds didn't allow me to bend my knees properly and I couldn't warm up or stretch properly for the remaining few events.Yeah I tried to just ignore the pain and forcefully bend my knee but it ended up bleeding again.Not a good idea I know.Still,at least I managed to finish running my other events.Boy did my knees attract a lot of attention haha.I was just like,this are my battle scars :p Nahh no I didn't do that.But it was a really really fun MSSD this time I would say.Have really gotten close to my athlete family this past few years and they were all so nice to me after I fell.Thank you so much guys,it means the world to me. Getting home really late,being the last school to leave the stadium,thinking of plans to ponteng school the next day,Harlem Shake in the bus,cheering for each other,camwhoring.It was amazing alright.So much memories made :)
Love this people with all my heart :)
We did badly this year,but we'll try harder next year.We'll show them.
Oh yeah,I found out that there is this one phrase that could pretty much make every athlete shed tears after he/she lost.
"You're still a winner in our hearts."
Thank you Ben and Dianah and everyone. :')
I'll win next year.Promise.
I guess,I just want to change for the better and work hard towards my dreams.But I'm not really sure why it seems so hard.Its not really.Just take the initiative and do it.I guess I'm in a sort of dreamy kind of mood.I feel so out of this world.Its like my body is here but my mind,heart and soul is somewhere else.In this imaginary place where everything is just as how I want it to be.But in reality,we all know that can't happen unless you make it happen.
Which is why,I really need to change.To start making every single day count,to live life to its absolute fullest.Because nobody really knows how much time we have left to live our lives right ? I mean,one second we could be here on Earth and the next we could end up with this deadly accident and just die.So make it count.Thats what I was always trying to do.Make the few months I have left in high school count.To make more memories,to meet more amazing people,to go through more experiences and just to do more than just exist.To leave my mark on people,to be remembered.Not just to be someone who spent a few years in this world without ever really showing anything.Without ever really doing anything to be remembered.
And I know what I need to do to get there.I know what I want better than anyone else.I know where I want to be in life.I know what I want to achieve and what I have to do to achieve it.So I'm not gonna waste any more time because time is precious.I have one final shot at my dreams and it isn't going to waste no matter what.I'm gonna make it count and I have faith that I will.I'm just trying to put my doubts aside and letting my faith be bigger than my fears.Its never too late to change.
*gonna post about MSSD next :)
So MSSD Track and Field 2013 huh?Quite an experience I would say.Nothing much accomplished here.It was all down to bad luck.Bad luck that there was 20 people in a single 800M heat.Bad luck that I fell somehow.Not sure whether it was because I tripped or someone pushed me.But honestly it doesn't really matter now right ? I mean nothing's gonna change.I still lost.Yeah.Never thought a single fall could alter how I would perform for the rest of the events.Just that one fall.It did its damage alright.Really bad wounds on both my knees.I finished the race but lost the qualifications for the finals by just one second.Frustrating isn't it ? I mean if you think about all the possibilities if I didn't fall and if I just pushed myself a little harder.The thing I'm most mad about was how that fall affected my other events.Stupid wounds didn't allow me to bend my knees properly and I couldn't warm up or stretch properly for the remaining few events.Yeah I tried to just ignore the pain and forcefully bend my knee but it ended up bleeding again.Not a good idea I know.Still,at least I managed to finish running my other events.Boy did my knees attract a lot of attention haha.I was just like,this are my battle scars :p Nahh no I didn't do that.But it was a really really fun MSSD this time I would say.Have really gotten close to my athlete family this past few years and they were all so nice to me after I fell.Thank you so much guys,it means the world to me. Getting home really late,being the last school to leave the stadium,thinking of plans to ponteng school the next day,Harlem Shake in the bus,cheering for each other,camwhoring.It was amazing alright.So much memories made :)
Love this people with all my heart :)
We did badly this year,but we'll try harder next year.We'll show them.
Oh yeah,I found out that there is this one phrase that could pretty much make every athlete shed tears after he/she lost.
"You're still a winner in our hearts."
Thank you Ben and Dianah and everyone. :')
I'll win next year.Promise.
Monday 4 March 2013
Cupids Fall
Lost,miserable,tired,exhausted,giving up.
Yeah that pretty much explains how I am now.I feel so stressed out with my studies.I mean I honestly don't get anything.What teacher is teaching,I don't get any of it.Especially physics and biology. Not one bit. I'm so upset and I'm so scared.March test is a week away and although I probably won't be here for it,I'm still scared.
I just need this month long break.To figure out everything I fail to understand.To catch up.But time waits for no one right.And with every week,I'm feeling more and more lost.I just need everything to stop.I need everything to slow down.Its all going past way too quickly.
Oh,why won't I be here for the March test you ask ? Well thats because my track and field district championships is clashing with the test.Its on the exact same days.I wouldn't say I'm upset about it though,because running is the only thing keeping me sane now.Keeping me from madness.I'm so thankful for it.Without it,I wouldn't know what to do with my life.
About MSSS merentas desa a few weeks ago.Lets just say I didn't perform well.Got no.25. Out of 78 others. And you know,at first,to me,it was considered alright.Not too good neither too bad.I mean it is my first time you know.But apparently my dad and coaches don't think its good enough.They have high expectations,I get it.They want me to succeed,I get it.But at least have some encouraging words ? All I wish they would say is,how its okay and how i already tried my best.Not make me feel worst.
But it doesn't really matter.I need to improve.A lot.In order for me to get there.To my ultimate dream.I know.It just seems so hard.Its scary,being so close,but so far away from my dream.
Yeah that pretty much explains how I am now.I feel so stressed out with my studies.I mean I honestly don't get anything.What teacher is teaching,I don't get any of it.Especially physics and biology. Not one bit. I'm so upset and I'm so scared.March test is a week away and although I probably won't be here for it,I'm still scared.
I just need this month long break.To figure out everything I fail to understand.To catch up.But time waits for no one right.And with every week,I'm feeling more and more lost.I just need everything to stop.I need everything to slow down.Its all going past way too quickly.
Oh,why won't I be here for the March test you ask ? Well thats because my track and field district championships is clashing with the test.Its on the exact same days.I wouldn't say I'm upset about it though,because running is the only thing keeping me sane now.Keeping me from madness.I'm so thankful for it.Without it,I wouldn't know what to do with my life.
About MSSS merentas desa a few weeks ago.Lets just say I didn't perform well.Got no.25. Out of 78 others. And you know,at first,to me,it was considered alright.Not too good neither too bad.I mean it is my first time you know.But apparently my dad and coaches don't think its good enough.They have high expectations,I get it.They want me to succeed,I get it.But at least have some encouraging words ? All I wish they would say is,how its okay and how i already tried my best.Not make me feel worst.
But it doesn't really matter.I need to improve.A lot.In order for me to get there.To my ultimate dream.I know.It just seems so hard.Its scary,being so close,but so far away from my dream.
Wednesday 13 February 2013
Happy Birthday
to this guy,Agilan Manivasagan ! :)
Hi Agilan,I shall try my best not to call you a dog or a monkey or whatever since it is your birthday.Your birthday is on valentine's day i mean like seriously its still so cool.Anyway Agilan,you are so retarded I honestly have no words.But then again so am I and so are Jo,Dharsh,Jay,Thanesh and the rest of our gang.We've pretty much bonded a lot this couple of years.You are my olahraga mate,my fellow prefect and my best friend :) Thank you for being there all the time and being the retarded person that you are.Thank you for all the good food at your deepavali open house. YUM. You are basically one of my bestest friends and I know you miss us as much as we miss you no wait you miss us more than we miss you right ? :P haha. So have fun rich boyy ! Its your birthday you're so old now ! Kidding :p Happy Valentine's Day and Happy Birthday Agilan !
NIKE JACKET SO AWESOME. :D
Monday 11 February 2013
Halfway There
I'm halfway there.And soon,I'm gonna be there.Where my wildest dreams come true.Where all the hard work,all the tears,all the sweat,all the blood will finally pay off.
6th of February,2013.
I'll remember this date forever.This was the day where I finally qualified for MSSS.I'm a district runner now.I am a legitimate district runner ! Can you imagine that ? But I'm not gonna stop here.I will fight on,until I make it,to MSSM.My ultimate dream.
I am finding it hard to believe myself.Just what happened on that day.It was all so surreal.The night before,I was showered with good luck wishes from my friends <3 It meant a lot to me so thank you all.I told myself,I absolutely cannot fail this time.I have to make it to MSSS.If I can't make it to MSSS this year,how am I ever gonna make it to MSSM ? The whistle was blown,and I ran.I ran and ran and ran and ran till I was so exhausted.Thank God for En.Subra who was there to support me all the way.Thank God for making me find Rubhern and having someone to jog with me to the finish line.Thank God for giving me courage,strength and determination.I made it.I ran past the finish line and I got number seven.My best achievement,ever.How I felt was indescribable.I was in so much pain and I was so tired.But it was all worth it :)
Seeing the smiles on En.Subra and all my olahraga mates faces.Hearing my mum's elated voice on the phone.Getting congratulatory messages from the people I love.It was all worth it.I am happy and I am proud for my target for this year have been achieved.I can't wait for MSSS although I know my chances are very slim,I vow to give it my absolute all.This is a once in a lifetime opportunity and I am so grateful for this.Thank you God,for everything.It was all so amazing :)
Cheers for an amazing week :)
6th of February,2013.
I'll remember this date forever.This was the day where I finally qualified for MSSS.I'm a district runner now.I am a legitimate district runner ! Can you imagine that ? But I'm not gonna stop here.I will fight on,until I make it,to MSSM.My ultimate dream.
I am finding it hard to believe myself.Just what happened on that day.It was all so surreal.The night before,I was showered with good luck wishes from my friends <3 It meant a lot to me so thank you all.I told myself,I absolutely cannot fail this time.I have to make it to MSSS.If I can't make it to MSSS this year,how am I ever gonna make it to MSSM ? The whistle was blown,and I ran.I ran and ran and ran and ran till I was so exhausted.Thank God for En.Subra who was there to support me all the way.Thank God for making me find Rubhern and having someone to jog with me to the finish line.Thank God for giving me courage,strength and determination.I made it.I ran past the finish line and I got number seven.My best achievement,ever.How I felt was indescribable.I was in so much pain and I was so tired.But it was all worth it :)
Seeing the smiles on En.Subra and all my olahraga mates faces.Hearing my mum's elated voice on the phone.Getting congratulatory messages from the people I love.It was all worth it.I am happy and I am proud for my target for this year have been achieved.I can't wait for MSSS although I know my chances are very slim,I vow to give it my absolute all.This is a once in a lifetime opportunity and I am so grateful for this.Thank you God,for everything.It was all so amazing :)
Cheers for an amazing week :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)